the little things no one else will ever know or ever see...

so recently a friend brought to my attention something about a mutual friend of ours that they felt was annoying. i could see how some of what my friend was saying was true -- if i was being totally honest there had been moments with our mutual friend where i had felt annoyed by similar things. outwardly i only defended our friend, saying that the person didn't do those things they were being accused of. but in truth, afterwards -- lying in bed at night -- i felt the heavy weight of the lies i had told. i knew that my friend had a point and even though they were saying something critical it was mostly true. but i didn't want to say mean things about our mutual friend. so i diminished my friend's concerns and, really, lied. but, i reasoned with myself, i had lied in an effort to defend my friend.

and so i felt confused. and then after a few more days those things that i knew were annoying about our friend started to bother me more and more. i started to feel just as annoyed as my friend that had brought up the entire subject in the first place when, before, i had been able to ignore and/or tolerate those annoying habits.

oh bother! what to do to hit reset and feel better about it all?

pray, of course. so i did. i asked Father to help me see clearly "things as they really are." i had a feeling that the things my friend was saying -- the annoying habits about our friend -- might be true to some extent, but not to the extent that they felt. often when we are missing the Spirit we can't see things in their proper perspective so i decided that since i felt angry and annoyed i wasn't having the Spirit and, therefore, the proper perspective.

turned out to be just the right thing to pray for. normally i think i would have prayed for help at not feeling annoyed with the person, but i think asking for the Spirit to help me see with real perspective gave me the opportunity to 1. feel the Spirit and 2. choose for myself how to feel about the person. it made me realize that 1. we are, in fact, capable of choosing how we feel and 2. that maybe the way to accomplish that is to have the Spirit in order to "see things as they really are."

i feel so much better. the annoying habits of the person haven't gone anywhere, but i don't see them very often anymore. and when i do i have more power to choose not to be bothered by them.

as for the lying...i think i should have been more honest with the person, but i didn't know how to be honest without just agreeing -- and thereby, be mean. in the future, i know now that i can be honest by sharing about how i have gained power through better perspective.

i love that God let's us practice in this life.

and so...i saw God today.

on the road again

i'm in arizona tonight. i just flew here yesterday to empty our storage unit and drive the stuff back home tomorrow and monday. i've had so many things go right in the last 24 hours it is definitely noteworthy...

* jen and mario remain loyal friends. the best of. they picked me up, took me in, fed me, and then helped me empty the unit. it is not feasible to write down all the ways in which loyal friends bless our lives. specifically, the daniel family.

* the sun stayed hidden while i waited for the office to open so i could get a new gate code so i could unload the unit. and then...it only took two hours, not all day as i had planned...why? cause we found a flatbed cart that could haul three times what the dolly could. definitely a blessing.

* i slept well last night. that's saying something cause i never do to well on those inflatable mattresses. :)

* i've been safe...and so has the car.

* and i left something on the back bumper of the truck -- a box of tools -- and drove all the way from phoenix to gilbert until a man stopped me at a light and got out and gave them to me. can you believe that? that's a miracle i tell you.

and so...

i saw God today.

he cares for the sparrow and the speakers

so we left for a trip to point reyes national seashore with my parents last monday. the night before as i was packing i was trying to think of a way to make the car trip easier. usually you kids watch a movie on the little dvd player, but the volume on that thing stinks so we often pipe the sound through the car speakers. but that gives your dad and me big headaches.

now i realized that this wasn't a very big deal in the scheme of things and so it didn't occur to me to pray about it, but as i was praying that evening before bed i did think to ask Father if He would help me think of anything that i had forgotten -- cause i always forget something! - and if He would help me think of anything that would make the trip easier for all of us. instantly to my mind came a picture of our computer speakers and a thought that i should connect them to the dvd player. oh! i felt enlightened in that moment. i love that feeling.

so i tried it the next morning and it worked great! chas asked me how i came up with the idea and so i told him: God revealed it to me in a prayer. i said, "Chas, you are seeing a direct answer to a prayer." true story. i hope he remembers it.

cause even though speakers aren't important, I am important. and my prayers are important. and Father is always looking to watch over us and help us. and if speakers will help us than speakers it is. i love that about God.

i saw God today.

i might as well just start

i've been putting this thing off cause...well, i always have some excuse. mostly good ones.

one day when i was in college i was standing at the kitchen sink in my apartment and noticed a daily calendar with quotes on the window sill. it was open to the following:

We always have time for the things we put first.
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God."

it struck me. it has stayed with me. it's true. and here it is coming back to me again. buen circulo.

two weeks ago we were at edison elementary school playing on the monkey bars. avery was crossing the bars and as she let go to jump down on the other side her foot slipped and she started to fall backwards off the ledge. cole was standing next to her and quickly grabbed her by putting his arm behind her back and taking her hand in his. he said, "i've got you avery." it was beautiful, gentle. it was so Christ-like. it was such a blessing that i got to see that moment. it brought the Spirit to my heart as it did to avery and cole.

i saw God that day.