so recently a friend brought to my attention something about a mutual friend of ours that they felt was annoying. i could see how some of what my friend was saying was true -- if i was being totally honest there had been moments with our mutual friend where i had felt annoyed by similar things. outwardly i only defended our friend, saying that the person didn't do those things they were being accused of. but in truth, afterwards -- lying in bed at night -- i felt the heavy weight of the lies i had told. i knew that my friend had a point and even though they were saying something critical it was mostly true. but i didn't want to say mean things about our mutual friend. so i diminished my friend's concerns and, really, lied. but, i reasoned with myself, i had lied in an effort to defend my friend.
and so i felt confused. and then after a few more days those things that i knew were annoying about our friend started to bother me more and more. i started to feel just as annoyed as my friend that had brought up the entire subject in the first place when, before, i had been able to ignore and/or tolerate those annoying habits.
oh bother! what to do to hit reset and feel better about it all?
pray, of course. so i did. i asked Father to help me see clearly "things as they really are." i had a feeling that the things my friend was saying -- the annoying habits about our friend -- might be true to some extent, but not to the extent that they felt. often when we are missing the Spirit we can't see things in their proper perspective so i decided that since i felt angry and annoyed i wasn't having the Spirit and, therefore, the proper perspective.
turned out to be just the right thing to pray for. normally i think i would have prayed for help at not feeling annoyed with the person, but i think asking for the Spirit to help me see with real perspective gave me the opportunity to 1. feel the Spirit and 2. choose for myself how to feel about the person. it made me realize that 1. we are, in fact, capable of choosing how we feel and 2. that maybe the way to accomplish that is to have the Spirit in order to "see things as they really are."
i feel so much better. the annoying habits of the person haven't gone anywhere, but i don't see them very often anymore. and when i do i have more power to choose not to be bothered by them.
as for the lying...i think i should have been more honest with the person, but i didn't know how to be honest without just agreeing -- and thereby, be mean. in the future, i know now that i can be honest by sharing about how i have gained power through better perspective.
i love that God let's us practice in this life.
and so...i saw God today.
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