friday after school chas came home with aidan in tow, per the usual. aidan and chas have been best friends since aidan moved to Alameda in the fourth grade. aidan is a good kid, a funny kid. he lives with his mom, jodi, and her boyfriend of many years, phil.
so when the boys come home they always grab a bite to eat and then eventually make their way upstairs to me (usually i'm on my bed studying, doing chores, or taking a nap) where we have lively conversations about all sorts of things.
friday's conversation was about alcohol. aidan said that phil had told him that certainly every adult has gotten drunk at least once in their life. not true, i told him. i have never been drunk. neither has devan. but it's a right of passage, aidan insisted. he was so surprised when i insisted that neither devan nor i had ever had alcohol. i assured him that is does not have to be a right of passage; that he need never take a drink if he doesn't want to; that there are ways to have fun without getting drunk and it's better because then you actually remember the fun times.
at this point a quiet piece of awesomeness occurred. aidan says he is sure that he and chas will get drunk at some point. immediately chas responds, "i won't. that'll never happen to me." aidan, still not believing either of us really says to chas, "how do you know you won't?" and chas says, "i just know i'm never going to drink. never."
that was it. did you catch the awesomeness? chas pre-decided out loud right then and there that he wouldn't drink alcohol. he essentially stood for something. when aidan insisted that a person can't know what they'll do in the future, i taught him about pre-decisions. at first, he didn't get it, but then he said, "actually, that's like how i know i'm never going to smoke. like ever." yes! he told us his reasons for this pre-decision: an addiction he's seen his father face.
i sometimes wonder how long chas and aidan will be able to be best friends. aidan is growing up in a very different family with very different values. every chance i get i try to encourage aidan to think about his choices and his values. i hope that chas can remain a constant friend AND example to aidan. i don't envy him how challenging it will be to remain faithful to God over the next five years, but i know he has the internal strength to do it.
i was so proud of chas' willingness to "stand as a witness" today. it was small, but hugely important. because by small and simple things, great things come to pass.
i saw God today shining through Chas' calm, but sure determination to keep himself clean. May God magnify his efforts and make him a mighty instrument in His hands.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
fear knocked at the door, faith answered, and no one was there
Chas attended a birthday party for his best friend, Aidan recently. Generally, when he has a birthday party to go to I do a little reconassance before hand: a phone call to a parent, 20 questions with Chas. This time I felt that since I knew Aidan's family well enough and they knew us that it wouldn't be necessary to take any action. I felt that the party would be a safe one for Chas.
When Chas returned home late that evening, I could tell something was not quite right. I asked him how it went and he responded that it was fine. I started to say good night and go upstairs when he came to me and put his hands on my shoulders. He looked at me and said, "Mom" and then put his head down. As long as I live I will never forget the fear and worry in his voice. I'd never heard it before, not like that. When he looked up he shared with me that he was feeling so afraid.
Apparently, when he showed up at the party the kids were already watching a movie. Turns out it was Children of the Corn -- a rated R horror movie. Chas told me that what he saw created feelings of fear in him that he'd never felt. He was repulsed by the violence. Eventually Phil, Aidan's step dad, turned it off, but the damage was done. As I am always saying, you cannot un-see things. Once images and ideas are in our heads they are there forever.
Chas and I sat on the couch together discussing how he felt about what he'd seen. He vowed he'd never watch a rated R movie again. What he discovered was that, while the movie was grotesque when he was watching it, it was truly frightening later on when he was boarding home... alone... at night... in the dark.
Ah, yes. Satan is cunning enough to know how to get us coming and going in this life. He'll scare us in the moment and then use that moment to scare us in other moments when, before having viewed the scary thing, we would never have had reason to be scared.
When I was growing up my parents didn't censor my TV and movie viewing much. I didn't censor myself either. As a result, I saw things that were terrible and terrifying. Later, on my mission, my companion and I were stalked by a man on the island of Curacao. Eventually, it culminated in an experience in which I learned to identify the warning voice of the Spirit of the Lord. So much so that to this day, if I close my eyes and concentrate, I can remember the feeling still. It was unique and powerful. I had never felt it before and I have yet to feel it again. But I will absolutely know it when I feel it again because it moved me deliberately and quickly, but without any fear at all. I knew for an absolute truth I was being warned of the Lord. And my companion and I were kept safe as a result.
Once I returned from my mission though, I began to spend more time alone when Devan was traveling for diving. Satan, knowing all the things I had watched in TV and movies and knowing of my experience in Curcao, began to put fear into my mind and heart. Movie scenes I hadn't thought about since I'd seen the movie came back to my mind unexpectedly. Terrible scenes of violence. I began to worry I was not safe and that worry turned into panic.
I remember one night in particular when Devan was gone. I had checked and double checked the locks on our doors. I still felt worry that someone would be able to break in without me knowing it and this person would hurt me. My mind began to get too worked up and I felt like I was being swallowed up in this intense fear. Without knowing what else to do and feeling as though I was loosing grip on reality, I cried out to the Lord. For the first time in my life, I literally yelled to him out loud, begging Him to rescue me from this fear that had gripped my mind and heart so fiercely.
Almost instantly I felt an intense peace almost swoop in and just pass through my heart and mind, erasing all the fear. It was so immediate and so complete that I cried from the relief I felt. God had come to my rescue and had saved me from... well, Satan's influence certainly. But also from myself. Because who put those images of violence in my mind? I did. Who gave Satan power to influence me? I did. Who gave Satan power to play on life's inevitable experiences and turn them from challenges into trials and suffering? I did.
It was this experience that taught me how important the choices of our youth are. We cannot know what lies ahead for us in our lives, but we can know that Satan will use our poor choices against us if we let him. When we chose to keep our eyes on clean, uplifting, calm things in life he will have less to use against us. We will give him less power to make us afraid.
"The power is in them for they are agents unto themselves." "To act and not to be acted upon."
Chas learned, as I did, the importance of making wise choices about what we choose to watch. It pains me as a mother to know my children will have to learn by experience in this life. Hopefully, they will limit their amount of suffering by learning from others as well. But I am grateful to know that God showed Chas, in his own small way, what I have been talking about. Like God saying, "Listen to your mother, Son. This is what she is talking about. And what she is saying is true."
I am grateful to God for showing us both his hand tonight.
Chas and I sat on the couch together discussing how he felt about what he'd seen. He vowed he'd never watch a rated R movie again. What he discovered was that, while the movie was grotesque when he was watching it, it was truly frightening later on when he was boarding home... alone... at night... in the dark.
Ah, yes. Satan is cunning enough to know how to get us coming and going in this life. He'll scare us in the moment and then use that moment to scare us in other moments when, before having viewed the scary thing, we would never have had reason to be scared.
When I was growing up my parents didn't censor my TV and movie viewing much. I didn't censor myself either. As a result, I saw things that were terrible and terrifying. Later, on my mission, my companion and I were stalked by a man on the island of Curacao. Eventually, it culminated in an experience in which I learned to identify the warning voice of the Spirit of the Lord. So much so that to this day, if I close my eyes and concentrate, I can remember the feeling still. It was unique and powerful. I had never felt it before and I have yet to feel it again. But I will absolutely know it when I feel it again because it moved me deliberately and quickly, but without any fear at all. I knew for an absolute truth I was being warned of the Lord. And my companion and I were kept safe as a result.
Once I returned from my mission though, I began to spend more time alone when Devan was traveling for diving. Satan, knowing all the things I had watched in TV and movies and knowing of my experience in Curcao, began to put fear into my mind and heart. Movie scenes I hadn't thought about since I'd seen the movie came back to my mind unexpectedly. Terrible scenes of violence. I began to worry I was not safe and that worry turned into panic.
I remember one night in particular when Devan was gone. I had checked and double checked the locks on our doors. I still felt worry that someone would be able to break in without me knowing it and this person would hurt me. My mind began to get too worked up and I felt like I was being swallowed up in this intense fear. Without knowing what else to do and feeling as though I was loosing grip on reality, I cried out to the Lord. For the first time in my life, I literally yelled to him out loud, begging Him to rescue me from this fear that had gripped my mind and heart so fiercely.
Almost instantly I felt an intense peace almost swoop in and just pass through my heart and mind, erasing all the fear. It was so immediate and so complete that I cried from the relief I felt. God had come to my rescue and had saved me from... well, Satan's influence certainly. But also from myself. Because who put those images of violence in my mind? I did. Who gave Satan power to influence me? I did. Who gave Satan power to play on life's inevitable experiences and turn them from challenges into trials and suffering? I did.
It was this experience that taught me how important the choices of our youth are. We cannot know what lies ahead for us in our lives, but we can know that Satan will use our poor choices against us if we let him. When we chose to keep our eyes on clean, uplifting, calm things in life he will have less to use against us. We will give him less power to make us afraid.
"The power is in them for they are agents unto themselves." "To act and not to be acted upon."
Chas learned, as I did, the importance of making wise choices about what we choose to watch. It pains me as a mother to know my children will have to learn by experience in this life. Hopefully, they will limit their amount of suffering by learning from others as well. But I am grateful to know that God showed Chas, in his own small way, what I have been talking about. Like God saying, "Listen to your mother, Son. This is what she is talking about. And what she is saying is true."
I am grateful to God for showing us both his hand tonight.
Let it Rain!
I woke up this morning to the sound of rain. It hasn't rained at all in months here in California. We are currently in the worst drought in the history of keeping weather records apparently. Frankly, I've loved not having rain -- it makes my life as a mother easier. There is less to clean and the winter doesn't seem so dreary. In fact, I had hardly noticed how long we had gone without rain until the Bishop read a message from our Area Authority last week asking us to participate in a state-wide fast for rain. All week long the California drought has been a top news story. The reservoir where we get our drinking water is at 3%. Some cities have reported that they only have 2 to 3 months of drinking water left before they will have to import it from outside of California. Water prices are about to soar. The Catholic church asked their parishioners to pray for rain as well. Many are concerned. Truly the situation is dire.
I spent the week changing my attitude because I found myself hesitant to pray for rain. I know we need it, but sometimes we don't always want the things we know we need. As usual, God will take us wherever we are and, if we are willing, will help us move as close to Him as we want to be. So I began my fast last night that it will rain because that is what I should do and where my heart should be. I did it and am doing it and, amazingly, in the doing God somehow softens my heart. It's always in the doing where real change occurs. You have to start moving your feet in the right direction. Like Indian Jones taking that leap of faith. But I digress...
So there was no rain in the forecast for today. The news stories said that unless an unexpected change in the weather occurred there would be no rain. News reporters may know weather and weather patterns, but I know God and God's patterns. Fasting unitedly as a group of believers for a purpose is powerful. It is powerful. It is also pouring outside this morning. God didn't even make his people wait. Perhaps he only wanted us to ask; to become aware; to care.
Coupled with this fast for rain has been a family fast for Clint. Clint has had severe wrist pain over the last couple of years that has led to a diagnosis of a very rare disease (Kleinboch's) where some of the tiny bones in his wrist are disintegrating. If left untreated, his wrist will collapse and he will be unable to use his right hand for the rest of his life. He is only 17.
To add a level of difficulty to the scenario, treating the condition is iffy at best. There are a few surgical options, but not one of them can assure Clint's complete recovery. The doctors have told Clint that he most likely will not play tennis again, which is sad because he was well on his way to a college scholarship (placed 8th in State Championships last year!); not to mention that he just loves to play tennis. And he is months away from serving a mission. There is no telling how this disease might affect where and when he might be able to serve the Lord.
So Cord, Gayla, and Clint chose one of their iffy options based on doctor recommendation and Clint had the surgery two days ago. The surgery went well and Clint is now recovering. It will take time to determine how effective the surgery was in abating the disease and its effects. So we continue to fast for Clint's full recovery.
When I woke up this morning to the sound of rain my first thoughts were of Clint. If people can come together as a community and unify their faith so as to call down rain from Heaven, certainly a family can come together and unify their faith so as to call down healing from Heaven. If God can make it rain, God can heal Clint's hand. The sound of rain this morning felt like an outward symbol of the inward workings going on inside Clint's wrist at this very moment. The sound of rain reminded me that God is quick to answer our prayers and knows what we need; that for every moment we can see God with our eyes, there are thousands more where we can see Him with our hearts -- if only we choose to feel Him. The sound of rain sounded like Christ teaching, "If ye have faith as a mustard seed, ye can move mountains."
I heard God today in every raindrop that hit our roof.
Truly, faith is followed by miracles. I expect to see God work a miracle with Clint.
I spent the week changing my attitude because I found myself hesitant to pray for rain. I know we need it, but sometimes we don't always want the things we know we need. As usual, God will take us wherever we are and, if we are willing, will help us move as close to Him as we want to be. So I began my fast last night that it will rain because that is what I should do and where my heart should be. I did it and am doing it and, amazingly, in the doing God somehow softens my heart. It's always in the doing where real change occurs. You have to start moving your feet in the right direction. Like Indian Jones taking that leap of faith. But I digress...
So there was no rain in the forecast for today. The news stories said that unless an unexpected change in the weather occurred there would be no rain. News reporters may know weather and weather patterns, but I know God and God's patterns. Fasting unitedly as a group of believers for a purpose is powerful. It is powerful. It is also pouring outside this morning. God didn't even make his people wait. Perhaps he only wanted us to ask; to become aware; to care.
Coupled with this fast for rain has been a family fast for Clint. Clint has had severe wrist pain over the last couple of years that has led to a diagnosis of a very rare disease (Kleinboch's) where some of the tiny bones in his wrist are disintegrating. If left untreated, his wrist will collapse and he will be unable to use his right hand for the rest of his life. He is only 17.
To add a level of difficulty to the scenario, treating the condition is iffy at best. There are a few surgical options, but not one of them can assure Clint's complete recovery. The doctors have told Clint that he most likely will not play tennis again, which is sad because he was well on his way to a college scholarship (placed 8th in State Championships last year!); not to mention that he just loves to play tennis. And he is months away from serving a mission. There is no telling how this disease might affect where and when he might be able to serve the Lord.
So Cord, Gayla, and Clint chose one of their iffy options based on doctor recommendation and Clint had the surgery two days ago. The surgery went well and Clint is now recovering. It will take time to determine how effective the surgery was in abating the disease and its effects. So we continue to fast for Clint's full recovery.
When I woke up this morning to the sound of rain my first thoughts were of Clint. If people can come together as a community and unify their faith so as to call down rain from Heaven, certainly a family can come together and unify their faith so as to call down healing from Heaven. If God can make it rain, God can heal Clint's hand. The sound of rain this morning felt like an outward symbol of the inward workings going on inside Clint's wrist at this very moment. The sound of rain reminded me that God is quick to answer our prayers and knows what we need; that for every moment we can see God with our eyes, there are thousands more where we can see Him with our hearts -- if only we choose to feel Him. The sound of rain sounded like Christ teaching, "If ye have faith as a mustard seed, ye can move mountains."
I heard God today in every raindrop that hit our roof.
Truly, faith is followed by miracles. I expect to see God work a miracle with Clint.
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