When Chas returned home late that evening, I could tell something was not quite right. I asked him how it went and he responded that it was fine. I started to say good night and go upstairs when he came to me and put his hands on my shoulders. He looked at me and said, "Mom" and then put his head down. As long as I live I will never forget the fear and worry in his voice. I'd never heard it before, not like that. When he looked up he shared with me that he was feeling so afraid.
Apparently, when he showed up at the party the kids were already watching a movie. Turns out it was Children of the Corn -- a rated R horror movie. Chas told me that what he saw created feelings of fear in him that he'd never felt. He was repulsed by the violence. Eventually Phil, Aidan's step dad, turned it off, but the damage was done. As I am always saying, you cannot un-see things. Once images and ideas are in our heads they are there forever.
Chas and I sat on the couch together discussing how he felt about what he'd seen. He vowed he'd never watch a rated R movie again. What he discovered was that, while the movie was grotesque when he was watching it, it was truly frightening later on when he was boarding home... alone... at night... in the dark.
Ah, yes. Satan is cunning enough to know how to get us coming and going in this life. He'll scare us in the moment and then use that moment to scare us in other moments when, before having viewed the scary thing, we would never have had reason to be scared.
When I was growing up my parents didn't censor my TV and movie viewing much. I didn't censor myself either. As a result, I saw things that were terrible and terrifying. Later, on my mission, my companion and I were stalked by a man on the island of Curacao. Eventually, it culminated in an experience in which I learned to identify the warning voice of the Spirit of the Lord. So much so that to this day, if I close my eyes and concentrate, I can remember the feeling still. It was unique and powerful. I had never felt it before and I have yet to feel it again. But I will absolutely know it when I feel it again because it moved me deliberately and quickly, but without any fear at all. I knew for an absolute truth I was being warned of the Lord. And my companion and I were kept safe as a result.
Once I returned from my mission though, I began to spend more time alone when Devan was traveling for diving. Satan, knowing all the things I had watched in TV and movies and knowing of my experience in Curcao, began to put fear into my mind and heart. Movie scenes I hadn't thought about since I'd seen the movie came back to my mind unexpectedly. Terrible scenes of violence. I began to worry I was not safe and that worry turned into panic.
I remember one night in particular when Devan was gone. I had checked and double checked the locks on our doors. I still felt worry that someone would be able to break in without me knowing it and this person would hurt me. My mind began to get too worked up and I felt like I was being swallowed up in this intense fear. Without knowing what else to do and feeling as though I was loosing grip on reality, I cried out to the Lord. For the first time in my life, I literally yelled to him out loud, begging Him to rescue me from this fear that had gripped my mind and heart so fiercely.
Almost instantly I felt an intense peace almost swoop in and just pass through my heart and mind, erasing all the fear. It was so immediate and so complete that I cried from the relief I felt. God had come to my rescue and had saved me from... well, Satan's influence certainly. But also from myself. Because who put those images of violence in my mind? I did. Who gave Satan power to influence me? I did. Who gave Satan power to play on life's inevitable experiences and turn them from challenges into trials and suffering? I did.
It was this experience that taught me how important the choices of our youth are. We cannot know what lies ahead for us in our lives, but we can know that Satan will use our poor choices against us if we let him. When we chose to keep our eyes on clean, uplifting, calm things in life he will have less to use against us. We will give him less power to make us afraid.
"The power is in them for they are agents unto themselves." "To act and not to be acted upon."
Chas learned, as I did, the importance of making wise choices about what we choose to watch. It pains me as a mother to know my children will have to learn by experience in this life. Hopefully, they will limit their amount of suffering by learning from others as well. But I am grateful to know that God showed Chas, in his own small way, what I have been talking about. Like God saying, "Listen to your mother, Son. This is what she is talking about. And what she is saying is true."
I am grateful to God for showing us both his hand tonight.
Chas and I sat on the couch together discussing how he felt about what he'd seen. He vowed he'd never watch a rated R movie again. What he discovered was that, while the movie was grotesque when he was watching it, it was truly frightening later on when he was boarding home... alone... at night... in the dark.
Ah, yes. Satan is cunning enough to know how to get us coming and going in this life. He'll scare us in the moment and then use that moment to scare us in other moments when, before having viewed the scary thing, we would never have had reason to be scared.
When I was growing up my parents didn't censor my TV and movie viewing much. I didn't censor myself either. As a result, I saw things that were terrible and terrifying. Later, on my mission, my companion and I were stalked by a man on the island of Curacao. Eventually, it culminated in an experience in which I learned to identify the warning voice of the Spirit of the Lord. So much so that to this day, if I close my eyes and concentrate, I can remember the feeling still. It was unique and powerful. I had never felt it before and I have yet to feel it again. But I will absolutely know it when I feel it again because it moved me deliberately and quickly, but without any fear at all. I knew for an absolute truth I was being warned of the Lord. And my companion and I were kept safe as a result.
Once I returned from my mission though, I began to spend more time alone when Devan was traveling for diving. Satan, knowing all the things I had watched in TV and movies and knowing of my experience in Curcao, began to put fear into my mind and heart. Movie scenes I hadn't thought about since I'd seen the movie came back to my mind unexpectedly. Terrible scenes of violence. I began to worry I was not safe and that worry turned into panic.
I remember one night in particular when Devan was gone. I had checked and double checked the locks on our doors. I still felt worry that someone would be able to break in without me knowing it and this person would hurt me. My mind began to get too worked up and I felt like I was being swallowed up in this intense fear. Without knowing what else to do and feeling as though I was loosing grip on reality, I cried out to the Lord. For the first time in my life, I literally yelled to him out loud, begging Him to rescue me from this fear that had gripped my mind and heart so fiercely.
Almost instantly I felt an intense peace almost swoop in and just pass through my heart and mind, erasing all the fear. It was so immediate and so complete that I cried from the relief I felt. God had come to my rescue and had saved me from... well, Satan's influence certainly. But also from myself. Because who put those images of violence in my mind? I did. Who gave Satan power to influence me? I did. Who gave Satan power to play on life's inevitable experiences and turn them from challenges into trials and suffering? I did.
It was this experience that taught me how important the choices of our youth are. We cannot know what lies ahead for us in our lives, but we can know that Satan will use our poor choices against us if we let him. When we chose to keep our eyes on clean, uplifting, calm things in life he will have less to use against us. We will give him less power to make us afraid.
"The power is in them for they are agents unto themselves." "To act and not to be acted upon."
Chas learned, as I did, the importance of making wise choices about what we choose to watch. It pains me as a mother to know my children will have to learn by experience in this life. Hopefully, they will limit their amount of suffering by learning from others as well. But I am grateful to know that God showed Chas, in his own small way, what I have been talking about. Like God saying, "Listen to your mother, Son. This is what she is talking about. And what she is saying is true."
I am grateful to God for showing us both his hand tonight.
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