throwing up and getting help

monday night i had class so chas was in charge and cole and avery were helpers. right before i left, june told me her belly hurt and so i told her to go lay down on the couch. she promptly fell asleep. after i left and before devan came home for the evening, she woke up and threw up... a lot... two or three times. chas held her and helped her get cleaned off in the bath. avery cleaned up the vomit from off the carpet. (ike gagged and nearly threw up himself, so the story goes, but you know...)

what's better than siblings who help you when you throw up? absolutely nothing. that's pretty much as good as it gets.

chas and avery were God's hands tonight. they were amazing.

emergency!

this morning i came home from dropping june off at preschool to find ten text messages and a phone call from aidan, chas' best friend. my heart nearly stopped. i realize that if something had actually happened to chas the school would have called me, but in the moment my first thought was that something had happened to him. it really is true that having children means you walk around with your heart outside your body. it's killer, i tell you.

but i digress. turns out chas just forgot his clothes for the band performance during third period. i threw them in a bag and rushed down to the school knowing that chas is playing a lot in this assembly today. and since it's his first jazz band performance (including last night) ever, i wanted it to be a positive experience for him. see, i'm thinking about you chas. always.

again, digression. the point is that when i walked in to the school chas happened to be walking in to the office at the same time (i'm assuming to come call me!) so i was able to just hand off his stuff. perfect, God-driven timing btw. cause he loves you, chas. always. like me. always.

but that isn't even the point. the point is that chas was clearly very grateful and said as much. but then he hugged me and that just made my day. chas doesn't give out hugs often. he has never been a very touchy feely person, but in the last three years he has become even less so. i'm hoping it's a phase and he'll grow back into feeling comfortable hugging and showing affection to his family. in the meantime, any time chas hugs me is like manna from heaven. and a hug in front of all the other students isn't lost on me.

i'm good with small miracles. i see those too.

today i felt God in the arms of my strippling warrior son.

avery's kindness

last night avery, ike, and june were playing outside with all the neighbor kids. they were raking up all the leaves off the sidewalk from the corner all the way to our house in hopes of building a giant pile to jump into. as it had just rained, the leaves were wet and it was cold outside. i thought they were crazy. they thought it was loads of fun. 

as i was making dinner, avery came in asking if she could make hot chocolate for all the kiddos because, no surprise, they were cold. i was frustrated with the idea and said no because i was making dinner and didn't want her in my space. i complained that it'd be too difficult to make hot chocolate for so many kids -- there were eight at least. but she did it anyway cause that's how avery is: defiant to the end. it drives me crazy most of the time. but as i watched her prepare the chocolate using a large container that had an easy pour spout, i began to change my  mind about her idea. she was doing a more efficient job than i thought she would. and she was being kind and thoughtful of others, which i didn't want to dissuade. this is what avery is really good at -- seeing another's need and being defiant in meeting that need. once she knows someone needs lifting, she is committed to doing it. 

it was awesome to watch last night and left a huge impression on me. even this morning, i find my spirit lifted remembering her service to others and her unwillingness to allow my humbug attitude to get in her way.

i saw God today.

first temple trip

Cole's prayer

cole said the prayer in sacrament meeting two weeks ago. it was so cool! he was very thoughtful and calm as he prayed. i love that bishop prescott includes the youth in so many meaningful ways.

there is little else more powerful than teenagers filled with the love of God. they are more influential than a thousand old men and women preaching the gospel.

on the stand

most sundays cole sits with the bishop on the stand as a part of his Priesthood duty. chas did it as well when he was a deacon. i love it. i love how the bishop (tom prescott) is sensitive to the boys' need to develop an awareness of other people; to develop an awareness that the Priesthood is a service responsibility.

one sunday in particular, the bishop leaned over and whispered something to chas. i could tell he was looking at someone in the back on the chapel. i turned around to see a mother with her four kids looking for a seat large enough to accommodate them all. chas quietly and kindly walked to the back of the chapel and whispered something to her. she followed him to the front where chas showed her to an open seat.

that was it. so simple. but really meaningful to the weary mother and to me. hopefully to chas as well. women are not weak, but love to be supported in their work. when men notice their needs, women are uplifted. plus, what is Priesthood if it isn't helping and lifting burdens?

i'm so grateful for bishop prescott's desire to use his Priesthood callings to serve others and to teach the young men to do the same by letting them participate with him.

Preach Junie! Preach!

last week i was tucking the kids in bed and was laying by june singing songs. after singing four versus of Come, Come Ye Saints -- my favorite hymn forever and ever -- i was tears. in fact, i was barely able to finish the song. i got very quiet for a minute trying to collect myself and avery, always very aware of my moods, asked if i was crying. i said yes, but the tears were tears of joy and gratitude and strength because i always feel so much of god's strength and love when i sing that song. and then i said something like, "and i love that song because it teaches us that 'God will never us forsake' which means..." and i paused trying to come up with easy words for them to understand and June emphatically replied, "it means that God will always be by your side!" oh she was just so sure there was no way anyone of us could have denied it! yes, june, yes! you get it! God will always be by your side. He never leaves us.

elder george q. cannon said: "when we went forth into the waters of baptism and covenanted with our Father in heaven to serve Him and keep His commandments, He bound Himself also by covenant to us that He would never desert us, never leave us to ourselves, never forget us, that in the midst of trial and hardships, when everything was arrayed against us, He would be near unto us and would sustain us."

here are those most beautiful words that never cease to inspire me to keep enduring as best i can. these words have literally saved my spirit on many occasions and have helped me through nearly every difficult thing i've done in my adult life. i cannot wait to thanks william clayton. his words have been God's arms around me many times. through his words, i have seen God's strength and felt his love.

1. Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
   But with joy wend your way.
   Though hard to you this journey may appear,
   Grace shall be as your day.
   'Tis better far for us to strive
   Our useless cares from us to drive;
   Do this, and joy your hearts will swell--
   All is well! All is well!
2. Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
   'Tis not so; all is right.
   Why should we think to earn a great reward
   If we now shun the fight?
   Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
   Our God will never us forsake;
   And soon we'll have this tale to tell--
   All is well! All is well!
3. We'll find the place which God for us prepared,
   Far away in the West,
   Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;
   There the Saints will be blessed.
   We'll make the air with music ring,
   Shout praises to our God and King;
   Above the rest these words we'll tell--
   All is well! All is well!
4. And should we die before our journey's through,
   Happy day! All is well!
   We then are free from toil and sorrow, too;
   With the just we shall dwell!
   But if our lives are spared again
   To see the Saints their rest obtain,
   Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell--
   All is well! All is well!
5. Text: William Clayton, 1814-1879
   Music: English folk song

there's still hope for me

chas started seminary this year. his class is studying the old testament. recently during a family scripture study, he was telling us about jacob. jacob, beloved of the Lord and a leader in the church, also made some mistakes. chas mentioned the fact that jacob boasted to his brothers about his coat of many colors and about the fact that he tricked his father into thinking he was esau in order to get the blessing of the birthright. chas pointed out that even though jacob was a great man, he was still imperfect and even had reason to repent from time to time. chas explained this realization gave him hope that, despite having made mistakes himself and needing to repent, God might still consider him good.

i could tell this was an idea -- a truth -- that chas needed to hear and one his heart needed to know. and indeed, it's true. we named a bunch of people in the scriptures and in real life that we love and know to be righteous people that God trusts who also have made mistakes in their lives and have needed to repent: Alma the Elder, Alma the Younger, Ammon and the other sons of Mosiah, Paul, Jonah, me, dad, chas, etc.

all of us really. God doesn't ask us never to make a mistake. he asks us to do our best to do what is right and when we make mistakes, to repent and make our wrongs right. if we do that, we can be sure that God will forgive us and keep working with and through us to bring others to him.

i'm grateful for this critical lesson chas learned. and i'm grateful to know God is working with chas -- pulling chas to him with love and learning and the kind of mercy and compassion only God is capable of.

he's really an amazing God. i saw God teaching chas today. i saw it with my own eyes and my own heart. it was an answer to a prayer and it was awesome.

Bravery

today was our primary program in church. isaac sang a solo for part of a song. he was AMAZING!!! but the most amazing part of his solo took place long before today.

a few weeks ago our choirster, melanie, asked the kids in sharing time if any of them felt like they might be brave enough to sing a solo in the program. i was sitting at the piano and could see isaac right in front of me, although he wasn't aware of me looking at him. as melanie was explaining what the solo song would be and such, i could see that isaac was seriously contemplating raising his hand. in fact, i could tell that he was judging in his mind how he felt: was he feeling brave enough to do it? there was some hesitation and some serious deliberation going on at first. and then this glorious moment when i could tell that he had decided in his mind he could and would do it. a complete change came over his face, his body, his spirit. he kind of nodded to himself like, "yeah, i'm going for it." and then raised his hand with incredible assurance.

i do not have the right words to describe what it felt like to watch him work it out within himself and come to the decision to bravely try something he's never done before. really, it goes down as one of the greatest moments i've experienced as a mother. i felt pure joy in that moment as i watched my son evaluate his ability, his faith in himself and make a brave and hopeful decision to push himself into excellence. i mean, wow. just wow. the strength of the Spirit i felt as i watched him was intense. i felt like God had given me this gift of watching isaac and seeing isaac just exactly like He does. it was glorious. ike was glorious and unstoppable. i felt like i witnessed a miracle.

oh gosh. God let me have his eyes and his heart for a moment today. and i saw His face reflected back to me in ike's face. it was wonderful to me!

i'll forever be grateful for this gift. without a doubt, i saw God today.

God can inspire anyone who is willing to be inspired

this week Pope Francis is visiting the US. for the first time in his life and papacy. he spoke to Congress yesterday. i happened to catch a good deal of it while making lunches in the morning. wow. he spoke so genuinely from his heart and i was uplifted. i wanted to share some of what he said because it is just so true. it felt as though his words were inspired and truly, i felt they were the words of Christ:

I am most grateful for your invitation to address this Joint Session of Congress in “the land of the free and the home of the brave”. I would like to think that the reason for this is that I too am a son of this great continent, from which we have all received so much and toward which we share a common responsibility.

Each son or daughter of a given country has a mission, a personal and social responsibility. Your own responsibility as members of Congress is to enable this country, by your legislative activity, to grow as a nation. You are the face of its people, their representatives. You are called to defend and preserve the dignity of your fellow citizens in the tireless and demanding pursuit of the common good, for this is the chief aim of all politics. A political society endures when it seeks, as a vocation, to satisfy common needs by stimulating the growth of all its members, especially those in situations of greater vulnerability or risk. Legislative activity is always based on care for the people. To this you have been invited, called and convened by those who elected you.

Yours is a work which makes me reflect in two ways on the figure of Moses. On the one hand, the patriarch and lawgiver of the people of Israel symbolizes the need of peoples to keep alive their sense of unity by means of just legislation. On the other, the figure of Moses leads us directly to God and thus to the transcendent dignity of the human being. Moses provides us with a good synthesis of your work: you are asked to protect, by means of the law, the image and likeness fashioned by God on every human face.

Today I would like not only to address you, but through you the entire people of the United States. Here, together with their representatives, I would like to take this opportunity to dialogue with the many thousands of men and women who strive each day to do an honest day’s work, to bring home their daily bread, to save money and – one step at a time – to build a better life for their families. These are men and women who are not concerned simply with paying their taxes, but in their own quiet way sustain the life of society. They generate solidarity by their actions, and they create organizations which offer a helping hand to those most in need.

I would also like to enter into dialogue with the many elderly persons who are a storehouse of wisdom forged by experience, and who seek in many ways, especially through volunteer work, to share their stories and their insights. I know that many of them are retired, but still active; they keep working to build up this land. I also want to dialogue with all those young people who are working to realize their great and noble aspirations, who are not led astray by facile proposals, and who face difficult situations, often as a result of immaturity on the part of many adults. I wish to dialogue with all of you, and I would like to do so through the historical memory of your people.

My visit takes place at a time when men and women of good will are marking the anniversaries of several great Americans. The complexities of history and the reality of human weakness notwithstanding, these men and women, for all their many differences and limitations, were able by hard work and self- sacrifice – some at the cost of their lives – to build a better future. They shaped fundamental values which will endure forever in the spirit of the American people. A people with this spirit can live through many crises, tensions and conflicts, while always finding the resources to move forward, and to do so with dignity. These men and women offer us a way of seeing and interpreting reality. In honoring their memory, we are inspired, even amid conflicts, and in the here and now of each day, to draw upon our deepest cultural reserves.

I would like to mention four of these Americans: Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Dorothy Day and Thomas Merton.

This year marks the one hundred and fiftieth anniversary of the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln, the guardian of liberty, who labored tirelessly that “this nation, under God, [might] have a new birth of freedom”. Building a future of freedom requires love of the common good and cooperation in a spirit of subsidiarity and solidarity.

All of us are quite aware of, and deeply worried by, the disturbing social and political situation of the world today. Our world is increasingly a place of violent conflict, hatred and brutal atrocities, committed even in the name of God and of religion. We know that no religion is immune from forms of individual delusion or ideological extremism. This means that we must be especially attentive to every type of fundamentalism, whether religious or of any other kind. A delicate balance is required to combat violence perpetrated in the name of a religion, an ideology or an economic system, while also safeguarding religious freedom, intellectual freedom and individual freedoms. But there is another temptation which we must especially guard against: the simplistic reductionism which sees only good or evil; or, if you will, the righteous and sinners. The contemporary world, with its open wounds which affect so many of our brothers and sisters, demands that we confront every form of polarization which would divide it into these two camps. We know that in the attempt to be freed of the enemy without, we can be tempted to feed the enemy within. To imitate the hatred and violence of tyrants and murderers is the best way to take their place. That is something which you, as a people, reject.

Our response must instead be one of hope and healing, of peace and justice. We are asked to summon the courage and the intelligence to resolve today’s many geopolitical and economic crises. Even in the developed world, the effects of unjust structures and actions are all too apparent. Our efforts must aim at restoring hope, righting wrongs, maintaining commitments, and thus promoting the well-being of individuals and of peoples. We must move forward together, as one, in a renewed spirit of fraternity and solidarity, cooperating generously for the common good.

The challenges facing us today call for a renewal of that spirit of cooperation, which has accomplished so much good throughout the history of the United States. The complexity, the gravity and the urgency of these challenges demand that we pool our resources and talents, and resolve to support one another, with respect for our differences and our convictions of conscience.

In this land, the various religious denominations have greatly contributed to building and strengthening society. It is important that today, as in the past, the voice of faith continue to be heard, for it is a voice of fraternity and love, which tries to bring out the best in each person and in each society. Such cooperation is a powerful resource in the battle to eliminate new global forms of slavery, born of grave injustices which can be overcome only through new policies and new forms of social consensus.

[Editor’s Note:The following section, which was in the prepared remarks, was not included in the speech.] Here I think of the political history of the United States, where democracy is deeply rooted in the mind of the American people. All political activity must serve and promote the good of the human person and be based on respect for his or her dignity. “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” (Declaration of Independence, 4 July 1776). If politics must truly be at the service of the human person, it follows that it cannot be a slave to the economy and finance.

Politics is, instead, an expression of our compelling need to live as one, in order to build as one the greatest common good: that of a community which sacrifices particular interests in order to share, in justice and peace, its goods, its interests, its social life. I do not underestimate the difficulty that this involves, but I encourage you in this effort.Here too I think of the march which Martin Luther King led from Selma to Montgomery fifty years ago as part of the campaign to fulfill his “dream” of full civil and political rights for African Americans. That dream continues to inspire us all. I am happy that America continues to be, for many, a land of “dreams”. Dreams which lead to action, to participation, to commitment. Dreams which awaken what is deepest and truest in the life of a people.

In recent centuries, millions of people came to this land to pursue their dream of building a future in freedom. We, the people of this continent, are not fearful of foreigners, because most of us were once foreigners. I say this to you as the son of immigrants, knowing that so many of you are also descended from immigrants. Tragically, the rights of those who were here long before us were not always respected. For those peoples and their nations, from the heart of American democracy, I wish to reaffirm my highest esteem and appreciation. Those first contacts were often turbulent and violent, but it is difficult to judge the past by the criteria of the present. Nonetheless, when the stranger in our midst appeals to us, we must not repeat the sins and the errors of the past. We must resolve now to live as nobly and as justly as possible, as we educate new generations not to turn their back on our “neighbors” and everything around us. Building a nation calls us to recognize that we must constantly relate to others, rejecting a mindset of hostility in order to adopt one of reciprocal subsidiarity, in a constant effort to do our best. I am confident that we can do this.

Our world is facing a refugee crisis of a magnitude not seen since the Second World War. This presents us with great challenges and many hard decisions. On this continent, too, thousands of persons are led to travel north in search of a better life for themselves and for their loved ones, in search of greater opportunities. Is this not what we want for our own children? We must not be taken aback by their numbers, but rather view them as persons, seeing their faces and listening to their stories, trying to respond as best we can to their situation. To respond in a way which is always humane, just and fraternal. We need to avoid a common temptation nowadays: to discard whatever proves troublesome. Let us remember the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Mt 7:12).

This Rule points us in a clear direction. Let us treat others with the same passion and compassion with which we want to be treated. Let us seek for others the same possibilities which we seek for ourselves. Let us help others to grow, as we would like to be helped ourselves. In a word, if we want security, let us give security; if we want life, let us give life; if we want opportunities, let us provide opportunities. The yardstick we use for others will be the yardstick which time will use for us. The Golden Rule also reminds us of our responsibility to protect and defend human life at every stage of its development.

This conviction has led me, from the beginning of my ministry, to advocate at different levels for the global abolition of the death penalty. I am convinced that this way is the best, since every life is sacred, every human person is endowed with an inalienable dignity, and society can only benefit from the rehabilitation of those convicted of crimes. Recently my brother bishops here in the United States renewed their call for the abolition of the death penalty. Not only do I support them, but I also offer encouragement to all those who are convinced that a just and necessary punishment must never exclude the dimension of hope and the goal of rehabilitation.

In these times when social concerns are so important, I cannot fail to mention the Servant of God Dorothy Day, who founded the Catholic Worker Movement. Her social activism, her passion for justice and for the cause of the oppressed, were inspired by the Gospel, her faith, and the example of the saints.

How much progress has been made in this area in so many parts of the world! How much has been done in these first years of the third millennium to raise people out of extreme poverty! I know that you share my conviction that much more still needs to be done, and that in times of crisis and economic hardship a spirit of global solidarity must not be lost. At the same time I would encourage you to keep in mind all those people around us who are trapped in a cycle of poverty. They too need to be given hope. The fight against poverty and hunger must be fought constantly and on many fronts, especially in its causes. I know that many Americans today, as in the past, are working to deal with this problem.

It goes without saying that part of this great effort is the creation and distribution of wealth. The right use of natural resources, the proper application of technology and the harnessing of the spirit of enterprise are essential elements of an economy which seeks to be modern, inclusive and sustainable. “Business is a noble vocation, directed to producing wealth and improving the world. It can be a fruitful source of prosperity for the area in which it operates, especially if it sees the creation of jobs as an essential part of its service to the common good” (Laudato Si’, 129). This common good also includes the earth, a central theme of the encyclical which I recently wrote in order to “enter into dialogue with all people about our common home” (ibid., 3). “We need a conversation which includes everyone, since the environmental challenge we are undergoing, and its human roots, concern and affect us all” (ibid., 14).

In Laudato Si’, I call for a courageous and responsible effort to “redirect our steps” (ibid., 61), and to avert the most serious effects of the environmental deterioration caused by human activity. I am convinced that we can make a difference and I have no doubt that the United States – and this Congress – have an important role to play. Now is the time for courageous actions and strategies, aimed at implementing a “culture of care” (ibid., 231) and “an integrated approach to combating poverty, restoring dignity to the excluded, and at the same time protecting nature” (ibid., 139). “We have the freedom needed to limit and direct technology” (ibid., 112); “to devise intelligent ways of… developing and limiting our power” (ibid., 78); and to put technology “at the service of another type of progress, one which is healthier, more human, more social, more integral” (ibid., 112). In this regard, I am confident that America’s outstanding academic and research institutions can make a vital contribution in the years ahead.

A century ago, at the beginning of the Great War, which Pope Benedict XV termed a “pointless slaughter”, another notable American was born: the Cistercian monk Thomas Merton. He remains a source of spiritual inspiration and a guide for many people. In his autobiography he wrote: “I came into the world. Free by nature, in the image of God, I was nevertheless the prisoner of my own violence and my own selfishness, in the image of the world into which I was born. That world was the picture of Hell, full of men like myself, loving God, and yet hating him; born to love him, living instead in fear of hopeless self-contradictory hungers”. Merton was above all a man of prayer, a thinker who challenged the certitudes of his time and opened new horizons for souls and for the Church. He was also a man of dialogue, a promoter of peace between peoples and religions.

From this perspective of dialogue, I would like to recognize the efforts made in recent months to help overcome historic differences linked to painful episodes of the past. It is my duty to build bridges and to help all men and women, in any way possible, to do the same. When countries which have been at odds resume the path of dialogue – a dialogue which may have been interrupted for the most legitimate of reasons – new opportunities open up for all. This has required, and requires, courage and daring, which is not the same as irresponsibility. A good political leader is one who, with the interests of all in mind, seizes the moment in a spirit of openness and pragmatism. A good political leader always opts to initiate processes rather than possessing spaces (cf. Evangelii Gaudium, 222-223).

Being at the service of dialogue and peace also means being truly determined to minimize and, in the long term, to end the many armed conflicts throughout our world. Here we have to ask ourselves: Why are deadly weapons being sold to those who plan to inflict untold suffering on individuals and society? Sadly, the answer, as we all know, is simply for money: money that is drenched in blood, often innocent blood. In the face of this shameful and culpable silence, it is our duty to confront the problem and to stop the arms trade.

Three sons and a daughter of this land, four individuals and four dreams: Lincoln, liberty; Martin Luther King, liberty in plurality and non-exclusion; Dorothy Day, social justice and the rights of persons; and Thomas Merton, the capacity for dialogue and openness to God.

Four representatives of the American people.

I will end my visit to your country in Philadelphia, where I will take part in the World Meeting of Families. It is my wish that throughout my visit the family should be a recurrent theme. How essential the family has been to the building of this country! And how worthy it remains of our support and encouragement! Yet I cannot hide my concern for the family, which is threatened, perhaps as never before, from within and without. Fundamental relationships are being called into question, as is the very basis of marriage and the family. I can only reiterate the importance and, above all, the richness and the beauty of family life.

In particular, I would like to call attention to those family members who are the most vulnerable, the young. For many of them, a future filled with countless possibilities beckons, yet so many others seem disoriented and aimless, trapped in a hopeless maze of violence, abuse and despair. Their problems are our problems. We cannot avoid them. We need to face them together, to talk about them and to seek effective solutions rather than getting bogged down in discussions. At the risk of oversimplifying, we might say that we live in a culture which pressures young people not to start a family, because they lack possibilities for the future. Yet this same culture presents others with so many options that they too are dissuaded from starting a family.

A nation can be considered great when it defends liberty as Lincoln did, when it fosters a culture which enables people to “dream” of full rights for all their brothers and sisters, as Martin Luther King sought to do; when it strives for justice and the cause of the oppressed, as Dorothy Day did by her tireless work, the fruit of a faith which becomes dialogue and sows peace in the contemplative style of Thomas Merton.

In these remarks I have sought to present some of the richness of your cultural heritage, of the spirit of the American people. It is my desire that this spirit continue to develop and grow, so that as many young people as possible can inherit and dwell in a land which has inspired so many people to dream.

God bless America!

________________________________________________

he also spoke this morning at the 9/11 memorial in New York. again, his words were inspired. after he spoke, a choir of high school students sang, "Let There Be Peace On Earth and Let it Begin With Me." I could feel the power of the Spirit reminding me that good is stronger than evil. Love is more enduring than hate.  People are good and children often show us the way.

________________________________________________

Dear Friends,

I feel many different emotions standing here at Ground Zero, where thousands of lives were taken in a senseless act of destruction. Here grief is palpable. The water we see flowing towards that empty pit reminds us of all those lives which fell prey to those who think that destruction, tearing down, is the only way to settle conflicts. It is the silent cry of those who were victims of a mindset which knows only violence, hatred and revenge. A mindset which can only cause pain, suffering, destruction and tears.

The flowing water is also a symbol of our tears. Tears at so much devastation and ruin, past and present. This is a place where we shed tears, we weep out of a sense of helplessness in the face of injustice, murder, and the failure to settle conflicts through dialogue. Here we mourn the wrongful and senseless loss of innocent lives because of the inability to find solutions which respect the common good. This flowing water reminds us of yesterday’s tears, but also of all the tears still being shed today.

A few moments ago I met some of the families of the fallen first responders. Meeting them made me see once again how acts of destruction are never impersonal, abstract or merely material. They always have a face, a concrete story, names. In those family members, we see the face of pain, a pain which still touches us and cries out to heaven.

At the same time, those family members showed me the other face of this attack, the other face of their grief: the power of love and remembrance. A remembrance that does not leave us empty and withdrawn. The name of so many loved ones are written around the towers’ footprints. We can see them, we can touch them, and we can never forget them.

Here, amid pain and grief, we also have a palpable sense of the heroic goodness which people are capable of, those hidden reserves of strength from which we can draw. In the depths of pain and suffering, you also witnessed the heights of generosity and service. Hands reached out, lives were given. In a metropolis which might seem impersonal, faceless, lonely, you demonstrated the powerful solidarity born of mutual support, love and self-sacrifice. No one thought about race, nationality, neighborhoods, religion or politics. It was all about solidarity, meeting immediate needs, brotherhood. It was about being brothers and sisters. New York City firemen walked into the crumbling towers, with no concern for their own wellbeing. Many succumbed; their sacrifice enabled great numbers to be saved.

This place of death became a place of life too, a place of saved lives, a hymn to the triumph of life over the prophets of destruction and death, to goodness over evil, to reconciliation and unity over hatred and division.

It is a source of great hope that in this place of sorrow and remembrance I can join with leaders representing the many religious traditions which enrich the life of this great city. I trust that our presence together will be a powerful sign of our shared desire to be a force for reconciliation, peace and justice in this community and throughout the world. For all our differences and disagreements, we can live in a world of peace. In opposing every attempt to create a rigid uniformity, we can and must build unity on the basis of our diversity of languages, cultures and religions, and lift our voices against everything which would stand in the way of such unity. Together we are called to say “no” to every attempt to impose uniformity and “yes” to a diversity accepted and reconciled.

This can only happen if we uproot from our hearts all feelings of hatred, vengeance and resentment. We know that that is only possible as a gift from heaven. Here, in this place of remembrance, I would ask everyone together, each in his or her own way, to spend a moment in silence and prayer. Let us implore from on high the gift of commitment to the cause of peace. Peace in our homes, our families, our schools and our communities. Peace in all those places where war never seems to end. Peace for those faces which have known nothing but pain. Peace throughout this world which God has given us as the home of all and a home for all. Simply PEACE.

In this way, the lives of our dear ones will not be lives which will one day be forgotten. Instead, they will be present whenever we strive to be prophets not of tearing down but of building up, prophets of reconciliation, prophets of peace.

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I heard God's words today. From the Pope, who also carried within him the Light of Christ and has chosen to listen to it. There are good people striving to do right all over this world. I see God in that too. And it gives me hope.

cole's ordination

cole turned twelve. he was SO super excited to pass the sacrament and join the deacons quorum. his excitement was contagious and filled our home with the spirit. devan ordained him and blessed him to continue to be a leader in our family and to lead with his faith. truly, cole has such a faithful heart. he believes without reservation and is easily entreated. i imagine that God is just as grateful as i am for these qualities. connie branson, 

watching cole pass the sacrament was awesome. cole's primary teacher and all-around amazing woman, wrote cole a letter recently telling him how much it warmed her heart to see him pass the sacrament so reverently. any time i can watch chas and cole working together, i'm in heaven. especially when they are serving together. their strengths and weaknesses are complimentary and together they create great strength. 

the Priesthood is the power of God unto salvation. it is the power of God on the earth today. when young men faithfully carry out their Priesthood duties, it is as if God himself were present. cause, in fact, he is. i saw God today while watching cole pass the sacrament.

hugging it out

yesterday was a rough day for chas. you know, some days are just rough days. he had such a bad attitude all day every time he came in contact with another human being. although he seemed to be offensively upset at every turn, he broke down at dinner saying he was frustrated because he felt that every time he tried to engage with the family in some positive way he was attacked or criticized. being told he wasn't using common sense at dinner was the last straw. i tried to explain to him that his perspective on each situation we reviewed didn't include an honest look at himself and in some instances his behavior had shown a lack of thinking about how others would respond to his choices. all in all, it was a hard day for my chasbo.

some days are like that.

it's completely normal.

laundry isn't always clean and folded in a drawer.

thankfully, late last night as i was walking through the kitchen chas caught me and put his arms around me. i LOVE chas hugs. i've always loved them, but his strong arms and thick big boy self is so amazing and i love when he hugs me these days.

it is the Spirit of the Lord that softens hearts. whether chas realized it or not, it was the Spirit that soften his heart just enough so he felt the desire to reach out to me and get that human touch that is so healing: a hug from your mom. there is something so healing about being held by your mom. no matter your age.

i told him i love him. i told him he is strong and he will grow and be wonderful. i told him he will figure it all out in time and he is doing great. because he is. perfection is not required of us at this time. willingness to work towards it is.

that hug showed willingness in my book. in God's book too, i think.

i certainly felt God today in that hug.

chas' ordination to be a teacher

chas was ordained today. the blessing, given by his father, was beautiful. chas has been given so many talents. forrest pixton -- his deacons quorum advisor and our family friend -- told chas after the blessing that one of the gifts that chas has is the gift to see what other people need. he said that because chas is smart he often finishes whatever task is assigned quickly and has leftover time while others are finishing. forrest said that he has seen, in those moments, chas looking around and identifying who is in need of help. he said he's seen chas do and say things that are directed at helping others. he was quite emotional telling us all this. essentially he was saying chas has the gift of discernment. and i agree.

so grateful for forrest's words.

can't wait to see what chas accomplishes for the good of the Lord in his life. i imagine he will lead an amazing life of service. i can envision him alleviating a lot of suffering through his ability to lead and carry out complex plans and tasks.

i saw a part of chas' spirit today. and so i saw God.